Oscar Shorts: The New Tenants (Denmark)

[it is NEW YORK]
David Rakoff: ...and there are people dying EVERYWHERE and YOU are asking me not to SMOKE while you're EATING? Fuck you.
David Rakoff's Boyfriend: You're so dramatic.
[there is a KNOCK at the door]
Old Lady: I need flour! Give me some flour!! I'm making cinnamon buns for my granddaughter!
David Rakoff: Um, we just moved in? So we don't have any?
Old Lady: I hope you got a break on the rent, considering the triple homicide that happened here.
David Rakoff and his BF: Bwaaaaaaa?
DR's BF: Well, anyway, I found some flour. Here you go.
[he hands her a ZIPLOC BAG]
Me: That has to be cocaine.
My Mom: Duh.
[there is ANOTHER KNOCK at the door]
Vincent D'Onofrio: You fucked my wife!! She is the aforementioned granddaughter of the old lady!
[he ATTACKS them with a TIRE IRON and is generally SCARY but also SAD]
David Rakoff: Um, no, we are gay. I think that was the last guy who lived here, Jerry.
[there is ANOTHER FUCKING KNOCK and Vincent D'Onofrio gets SHOT]
Kevin Corrigan: Where the fuck is my heroin? It looks like flour!
David Rakoff and his BF: Shiiiiiiiiit.
Old Lady: You killed my granddaughter!! That wasn't flour!!
Kevin Corrigan: I'ma shoot everyone!!
[before he can, the GRANDDAUGHTER, who is on some SERIOUS heroin, hits him with the TIRE IRON and then DIES]
David Rakoff: Cigarette?
[they DANCE in the STREET]

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