The Invention of Lying

[it is a WORLD where NO ONE LIES]
Ricky Gervais: Look, I know this is really high-concept and implausible, but just go with us on this, okay? No one lies. And more than that, they don't even lie by omission, so that everyone is constantly telling everyone else exactly what they're feeling or thinking at the moment they think or feel it.
Jennifer Garner: I just masturbated.
Ricky Gervais: Now I am horny.
Martin Starr: Hi, I'm in this movie.
Jennifer Garner: I am not attracted to you. Bye.
Ricky Gervais: Now I am sad.
Rob Lowe: You're terrible at your job. I am good at it, and also handsome.
Tina Fey: I hate you. You would think that all these rad people being blunt would be funnier, but it's only sort of funny.
[Ricky Gervais gets FIRED from his job as a WRITER, which is kind of a BORING JOB because REMEMBER if people can't LIE, there is no such thing as FICTION]
Ricky Gervais: Well, now I need money. I guess I'll go close my bank account.
[his BRAIN has an EXPLOSION and he figures out how to LIE so he can get MONEY]
Ricky Gervais: My name is Doug.
Louis CK: Cool, Doug.
Philip Seymour Hoffman: I am also in this movie.
[there is an AMUSING scene with the THREE of them because they are ALL FUNNY]
Ricky Gervais: I can use this newfound power to get sex with beautiful women! You! Sleep with me! Or the world will end!
That One DA from Law and Order: Okay! I am also in this movie!
Ricky Gervais: Oh, wait, I am a nice guy, so I can't. But I can make up stories!
[there is a MONTAGE of him doing NICE THINGS and getting his JOB BACK]
His Mom: I am dying and scared to die!
Ricky Gervais: Ummmmm...it's really great after you die! And everyone you love is there! And everyone gets mansions!!
Me: [slight weeping]
Jason Bateman: TELL US MORE ABOUT THE MANSIONS. Also, I am in this movie.
[the whole world goes CRAZY because they want to know about the AFTERLIFE MANSIONS]
Ricky Gervais: Aaaaaaahhhhhh you guys I, uh, I'm gonna write this stuff down on some pizza boxes.
[he HOLDS them like MOSES]
Audience: Oh. It's about religion. Huh.
Jennifer Garner: I love you, but I don't want fat little snub-nosed kids.
Ricky Gervais: Are you sure?
Jennifer Garner: No.
[they get MARRIED and they have a KID who can LIE but only for SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE REASONS]

1 comment:

Laura said...

I still can't decide if I liked this movie or not. But Jennifer Garner's hair inspired me to get bangs. So that's good? I guess?