[it is the FABULOUS SIXTIES]
Doris Day: My! I have SUCH a fabulous life here in New York City, with my amazing single gal pad and drunken maid!
Thelma Ritter: Heh.
Doris Day: I'll just make a business-related call for my interior design business on my party line.
Rock Hudson: I'll sing you a song, baby. I wrote it just for you.
[he sings a TERRIBLE song to SOME FLOOZY]
Doris Day: Having a party line is terrible! Oh, how I wish there were enough phone lines for everyone in New York! Sir, I cannot stand sharing this line with you anymore!!
[she FLOUNCES over to the PHONE COMPANY and basically tells them he is a RAPIST]
Phone Company: We'll send over an investigator right away!
[the INVESTIGATOR is a WOMAN who is easily CHARMED]
Doris Day: Grrr! This just grates my cheese! Oh well, I guess I'll go visit my non-boyfriend, Tony Randall.
Tony Randall: I bought you a car! Please marry me! I am rich and surprisingly handsome for Tony Randall!
Doris Day: No thanks! I am a career woman! ...but secretly, I just want to be married, because that's what all women want.
[she LEAVES in a HUFF]
Rock Hudson: Hey, buddy!
Tony Randall: Hi, friend! Let me tell you about this hot girl who won't marry me!
[they go to Tony Randall's SWEET PAD, where Rock Hudson FIGURES OUT that the girl on his PARTY LINE is his friend's GIRLFRIEND]
Rock Hudson: Oh, what delicious shenanigans could ensue from this knowledge!
[meanwhile, at some LAME PARTY]
Doris Day: Okay, I'm going home. This party is stupid. Give me a ride, young man.
Someone's College-Aged Son: Okay, but only if I can molest you in my car.
Doris Day: And how!
[he PERSUADES her to get a DRINK with him at a BAR because WOMEN are easily PERSUADED]
Someone's College-Aged Son: Let me tell you, Doris Day, you are a difficult woman.
Rock Hudson: Whaaaa? That is the woman on my party line! Let the shenanigans begin!
[he FAKES a Texan ACCENT and CHARMS her with his GOOD LOOKS and general GAYNESS]
Doris Day: Oh my! I'm so charmed!
[they have several ALMOST-RUNINS at Tony Randall's office but NEVER MEET]
Tony Randall: Waaaaaaaiiiit a minute! I just figured everything out! You're the jerk on the party line! And her new boyfriend! And my best friend! This is bonkers. Go to my cabin in Connecticut until I can sort something out.
Rock Hudson: Okay, but let me see her one last time.
[they go to a NIGHTCLUB so the movie can have ONE BLACK PERSON in it]
Sassy Black Singer Lady: Mmmmmmmhm.
Rock Hudson: Come to Connecticut with me!
Doris Day: Connecticut! How romantic!
[they GO, but she BUSTS him for being the COMPOSER when she recognizes the TERRIBLE SONG]
Doris Day: You tricked me! Now I hate you!!
[she LEAVES in a HUFF again]
Rock Hudson: Oh, what do I do? I really love her! I know...I'll ask her drunken maid.
Thelma Ritter: You gotta hire her to redecorate your apartment. It's a perfect plan.
Doris Day: Heh heh heh.
[she makes his apartment look TOTALLY INSANE]
Rock Hudson: Whaaaaaaat?!? This is unacceptable!
[he STORMS over to her place, PULLS her out of bed, and CARRIES her across town as she SHRIEKS]
Doris Day: Oh, help! Help! A strong, attractive man is carrying me away! It's all I ever wanted, but I will put up a valiant fight!
Rock Hudson: What did you do to my apartment?
Doris Day: I redecorated it.
[they KISS and it is kind of AWKWARD but I guess HAPPY]