1.09.2009

Oscar Watch '09: Rachel Getting Married

Well, since Anne Hathaway's already won the Golden Globe, I think it's fair to put this one on Oscar Watch. So good!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[it is AMERICA]
Anne Hathaway: Rehab. Bye.
Her Dad: Hi, sweetie! Are you ready to go directly from rehab to your sister's insane, multi-day, multi-ethnic, super-awesome, but also highly stressful wedding?
Anne Hathaway: Not really. But at least my hair looks fierce.
Rosemarie DeWitt: I'm so glad to see you! But my friend, with the asymmetric nostrils and stick up her ass, is not. Let's tell a story about Elvis Stojko, though.
Anne Hathaway: I gotta go to Narcotics
Anonymous.
[she KNOCKS OVER a bunch of CHAIRS]
Anne Hathaway: Cocksucker!*
Guy Who is Talking: Just the once, my dealer. I was really broke.*
[the RECOVERING ADDICTS laugh because it's FUNNY because it's TRUE]
Guy Who is Talking: Hi. Oh, by the way, I'm just in town for a wedding.
[he turns out to be the BEST MAN and they BONE under the HOUSE]
Anne Hathaway: This is a great tradition! The best man and maid of honor boning.
Best Man: Uh...isn't your sister's lame friend the maid of honor?
[there is a HUGE ARGUMENT]
Rosemarie DeWitt: Fine! Fine. Whatever. Can we just do the wedding?
[they have a SWEET TALENT SHOW where all the guests do SOMETHING AWESOME]
The Guy from TV on the Radio: Thanks, guests.
[someone mentions a CHILD that DIED and you start to WONDER about it]
Anne Hathaway: Is Mom coming to the rehearsal dinner?
Rosemarie DeWitt: Yes. Please don't embarrass me or make this about you.
Anne Hathaway: I won't.
[she DOES]
Debra Winger: Hi, girls.
[there is MAD TENSION]
Anne Hathaway: I have to go to NA again.
[she tells how she was RESPONSIBLE for the DEATH of her little BROTHER and it is AWFUL]
The Dad: I bet I can fill the dishwasher faster than you.
The Guy from TV on the Radio: Oh yeah?
[they have a DISHWASHER RACE, but they find the BROTHER'S plate and everyone gets SAD]
Rosemarie DeWitt: You always make this about you!
Anne Hathaway: Fine! I'm leaving!
[she goes to her MOM'S house and PUNCHES her mom]
Anne Hathaway: Gaaaaah!
[she drives her CAR into a TREE]
Rosemarie DeWitt: Hey. Time for me to get married.
[she DOES, and it is BEAUTIFUL]

1 comment:

Lauren K. said...

I'm not sure which is better, the movie or this review. I love them both!