The Long Kiss Goodnight

[it is a SMALL TOWN]
Geena Davis: So, I don't remember anything about my life before eight years ago. I woke up pregnant and had a kid, and now I have a great life.
Her Daughter: Yay! My mommy is nice!
[she RIDES in the CHRISTMAS PARADE as Mrs. Claus]
Geena Davis: But sometimes I wonder about my past life. So I keep a private investigator on retainer.
Samuel L. Jackson: Yeah she does! That's me!
[he has a MEAN ex-wife]
Geena Davis: Hey! I can chop vegetables really fast! Maybe I'm a chef!!
[she THROWS the KNIFE into a WALL]
Her Boyfriend: Uh...
Geena Davis: Chefs do that.*
[she goes ICE SKATING with her DAUGHTER, who FALLS]
Geena Davis: Get up. Life is pain...you just get used to it.*
Her Daughter: Now my mommy is mean!
Some Inmate: Oh my god! I know her! She's supposed to be dead!
[he FINDS her and tries to KILL her but she FIGHTS him and WINS]
Geena Davis: I better figure this out.
[she and Samuel L. Jackson FIND some INFORMATION and go LOOKING for her PAST, but leaves her CHARM BRACELET with her DAUGHTER]
Brian Cox: You're a government operative! You're supposed to be dead! Meet me at the train station.
[they get AMBUSHED at the TRAIN STATION and there is a FUCKING HUGE shootout and they JUMP out of a WINDOW to get away from a GRENADE and it is AWESOME]
Geena Davis: Now we don't trust you, Brian Cox!
Brian Cox: But I'm a good guy!
[they go to an ADDRESS and it turns out to be one of her FORMER TARGETS]
David Morse: Am I a good guy? Of course not. I am actually unable to play anyone good, ever.
[he TIES her up UNDERWATER but she gets a GUN from a CORPSE and SHOOTS him and it RULES]
Geena Davis: Now I have fully embraced my past personality. I shall dye my hair and start doing my eyes in a dramatic smoky look to indicate this.
[she tries to HIT ON Samuel L. Jackson]
Samuel L. Jackson: Um, not that you're not mad fine...but this isn't like you.
Geena Davis: Yes it is!! I am an assassin! And I have money and passports stashed in a safe deposit box. The key is on my charm bracelet.
[they GO BACK to the SMALL TOWN to get the BRACELET and she has a MOMENT of PAUSE when she sees her LITTLE GIRL]
Geena Davis: Whatevs. Let's get out of here.
Craig Bierko: Seriously, guys...we have to kill her. She can't know that the people she was working for are now working for us...or something.
[he KIDNAPS the DAUGHTER and takes her to the WOODS]
Geena Davis: I have to get my daughter back! And stop the evil plan!
Craig Bierko: You can try...but first I will lock you and your little girl in this walk-in freezer to try to kill you.
Geena Davis: You will die. Screaming.*
[she digs a HOLE under the DOOR and puts GASOLINE in it that she SMUGGLED in her daughter's BABY DOLL and EXPLODES the DOOR and basically the WHOLE bad guy COMPOUND]
Craig Bierko: Oh no you don't!!
[they have a BATTLE and he literally DIES SCREAMING]
Samuel L. Jackson: I'm not dead yet!
Geena Davis: Hooray! Now we're rich with my stashed money! And somehow it's cool that I know a lot of government information and stayed alive!
[she plays with her FAMILY, but still THROWS KNIVES]

1 comment:

Emily said...

Oh man, no lie: I love this movie. It's so ridiculous, but I have an enormous crush on Gina Davis, so there.