The Lake House

A mysterious pain in my arm kept me awake SO HARD last night that I watched this ENTIRE movie, even though I have already read the Wikipedia page because I wanted to know how they solved the whole time conundrum thing. It was kind of worth it to see Keanu act his ass off in the porch scene, though.
[it is CHICAGO]
Sandra Bullock: Well, looks like I'm moving out of this lake house and into my apartment in the city. I'll leave a note for the new tenant, because people always do that in houses.
Keanu Reeves: Hmm. Looks like the old tenant left me a note.
[they EXCHANGE some NOTES via the MAILBOX]
Sandra Bullock: Duh, dude, it's 2006.
Keanu Reeves: No way, it's 2004.
[they both express MILD DISBELIEF about the TIME WARP, then CONTINUE with the LETTERS because they are both LONELY]
Sandra Bullock: This is so bizarre, Mom.
Her Foreign-Accented Mom: Yes.
[they see a DUDE get hit by a BUS in DALEY PLAZA on Valentine's Day]
Sandra Bullock: This incident will haunt me.
[she MENTIONS it in a LETTER, which will be IMPORTANT]
Sandra Bullock: I think I love him, though I have never seen him and our letters have apparently no substance.
Keanu Reeves: She is the girl of my dreams...literally. Sort of. Because I have never met her. And am in a time warp. Or something.
[he plants a TREE in the LOT that will become her apartment and the tree APPEARS magically or SOMETHING while she is STANDING there]
Sandra Bullock's Boyfriend: Oh look, a dog just ran up to me. Is this dog yours, sir?
Keanu Reeves: Yes. It is my dog, in 2004. Can I help you bring that booze into your house?
Sandra Bullock's Boyfriend: Why sure, stranger! And why don't you come to my girlfriend's birthday party tonight. She is a doctor who has a residency in Madison, which is the crucial information you need to discover that my girlfriend is the woman with whom you have been corresponding through time.
[he RECOGNIZES Sandra Bullock but OBVIOUSLY she does not know HIM but they have an INTENSE TALK on the PORCH in the LONGEST SHOT EVER]
Sandra Bullock: Here is a really long story about my life.
Keanu Reeves: Okay, Keanu. You can do this. Just nod your head like you're listening. You don't really have to be listening, remember. Just act like you are. You're an actor, after all! You were in The Matrix. That must count for something. Just pretend to listen. And when you're done, you get to make out with her.
[they KISS and it is CONFUSING]
Christopher Plummer: Grump grump grump!
Keanu Reeves: Let's have a relationship.
Christopher Plummer: Grump. But you are my son.
[he DIES and Sandra Bullock KNOWS because she is a DOCTOR and was WORKING the day he DIED, which was TWO YEARS AGO for her, but TODAY for Keanu]
Keanu Reeves: Let's meet. I will make a reservation at a restaurant for two years from now.
[they TRY, but he DOES NOT SHOW]
Sandra Bullock: Where were you? I think you died. Please don't write to me anymore.
[they are BOTH SAD]
Keanu Reeves, in 2006: Wait a minute! She's going to be at Daley Plaza on Valentine's Day! I WILL FIND HER.
Sandra Bullock, in 2008: What happened to your brother?
Keanu Reeves' brother: He died on Valentine's Day two years ago.
Sandra Bullock: WHERE?*
[she JUMPS in the CAR and DRIVES like the WIND to the LAKE HOUSE and BEGS him not to FIND HER in 2006, and to just WAIT two MORE years]
Keanu Reeves: Whoa.
[he SHOWS UP at the LAKE HOUSE in 2008 and they kiss for SERIOUSLY LIKE 10 minutes]


Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

That's effed.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Also, this condensed review almost made me cry so there is NO WAY EVER that I am watching this movie.

p.s. I have been getting the best word verifications EVER lately. The one right now is "ascaplac" which is, coincidentally, my new favorite word.

Laura said...

Isn't a 2-year time warp sort of anticlimactic? I would have been more compelled if Keanu was like a serf or something and wrote all his letters with a quill pen. Or was illiterate. But then I guess the movie wouldn't have worked. This is why I'm not a screenwriter.

Lauren Oostveen said...

Thanks for explaining this... I was always kind of intrigued as to the details of the plot. Now I never have to see it. Do they ever actually try and EXPLAIN how this all happened?

Movie Maven said...

@Laurie: Word.

@Laura: I think you're thinking of Kate and Leopold.

@Lauren: Nope. Not even a little bit. It's literally like "Can this be happening?" "I guess it is." "Okay, cool."

@all of you: Please get more similar names kthx