11.10.2008

It's a Wonderful Life

Yes, I'm aware that this is a movie typically associated with a particular season, one we're not actually officially all up in yet (though Duane Reade has had Christmas candy for, like, weeks). But I just had to watch this for an assignment, and I forgot how totally awesome it is. A couple of things:
- I basically started weeping immediately
- Donna Reed is way pretty
- "Buffalo Gals" may be officially the most difficult song to extract from your brain.
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[it is the UNIVERSE]
A Galaxy: Uh-oh! Looks like some human trouble a-brewin'. Get one of those angels, second class and see if they'll go down and help him.
A Star: Hiya, boss! I'll go down and help this fella, if you promise I can get my wings when I do a good job!
A Galaxy: Well, sure, Clarence! But first, you'll need to learn about this guy you're going to help. What say we spend almost the entire movie getting to know him?
[it is EARLIER in the OLDEN DAYS]
L'il Harry Bailey: I fell in icy water!
L'il George Bailey: I'll save you! I am a good guy!
[his EAR gets FUCKED UP as a result]
Old Pharmacist: I accidentally put poison instead of good medicine in this bottle!
L'il George Bailey: I didn't deliver it, because I know you are a good man.
L'il Violet: Hiiiiiiiiii Geoooorggggge.
[she SMILES in a sort of DISTURBINGLY ADULT WAY at him]
L'il Mary: George, I'm going to talk in your deaf ear and tell you that I love you forever!
[some years LATER]
Jimmy Stewart: I'm going to see the world!! But first, I'll go to the dance at the high school.
Donna Reed: Hey. I'm grown-up now. And hot.
[they CHARLESTON]
Some Random: He's dancin' with my girl! Right over the conveniently placed crack in the floor that opens up to the swimming pool!
[he OPENS the FLOOR and HILARITY ensues]
Jimmy Stewart: So, can I walk you home? I did get you a bathrobe.
Donna Reed: Okay. But only if we can sing "Buffalo Gals" and throw rocks at the old house and make wishes on it.
[they DO, and she accidentally gets NAKED]
Jimmy Stewart: I cannot impress enough that I really, really want to get out of this town.
Harry Bailey: Our dad had a stroke! Come on!
[Jimmy Stewart gets ROPED INTO staying on at the BUILDING AND LOAN otherwise the BAD GUY will take it over]
Potter: You and your morals!!! I'll get you yet, Bailey!!!!
[FOUR YEARS pass]
Harry Bailey: I'm back from college! And married! Woo hoo!
Mrs. Bailey: Oh, and George - Mary's back from college too. Maybe you should go visit her. Just a suggestion. A strong suggestion.
[he DOES]
Donna Reed: Hooray! You're here!
Jimmy Stewart: Yeah. In lame old Bedford Falls.
Donna Reed's Mom: That other suitor is on the phone for you!
[they BOTH talk to the OTHER SUITOR while being EXTREMELY HOT for each other]
Jimmy Stewart: I am so torn between my love for you and my desire to travel the world! I will kiss you and see if that helps matters.
[it DOESN'T, and they get MARRIED]
Jimmy Stewart: We've got so much honeymoon money! This is gonna be AWESOME!!
[there is a RUN on the BANK]
Jimmy Stewart: Everybody just settle down!! Your money's not here! You clearly have a basic misunderstanding of how banking works! I could try to explain it to you, but it's easier to put it this way: your money's in Joe's house!
Angry Mob: Oh! We understand now!
[they use the HONEYMOON MONEY to SAVE the BUSINESS]
Donna Reed: I bought us a dilapidated house and decorated it with posters! Aren't I charming?
[BERT and ERNIE sing a SONG]
Jimmy Stewart: This is better than traveling the world! Okay, maybe not, but my wife is totally awesome, though we are poor.
Potter: If you worked for me, you'd make a lot more money...
Jimmy Stewart: No way! I have integrity! Which is way better than money! Suckaaaa!
[some MORE YEARS pass, and they build a HOUSING DEVELOPMENT, and have some BABIES, and WWII happens]
Jimmy Stewart: My life is sweeeeeeeeet. Everyone loves me, I build awesome houses, I have a super-hot wife who basically built me a house, and four totally awesome kids.
Uncle Billy: I lost $8000.
Potter: Muhahahahaaaaa! Now the Building and Loan SHALL BE MIIIIIINE!!!
Jimmy Stewart: [complete freakout]
[he goes to the RIVER in a DRUNKEN STATE and is considering SUICIDE, which is really pretty DARK]
Clarence: Save me! I fell in the river you were thinking of drowning yourself in!
Jimmy Stewart: My sense of morality is too strong. I must save this stranger.
Clarence: Thanks. I'm your guardian angel, by the way. Please don't kill yourself, or I won't get my wings.
Jimmy Stewart: What the fuuuuuuck?
Clarence: Ho ho ho. You must be so confused. But seriously - don't kill yourself.
Jimmy Stewart: Well, then I wish I was never born.
Clarence: Okay. Done.
[they WALK AROUND and see how SHITTY the town is without GEORGE BAILEY]
Jimmy Stewart: Oh...maybe my life is worth living after all.
Donna Reed: You're home! I hope your psychotic break is cured! And look! All our neighbors brought us a ton of money to cover the missing $8000!
[a BELL RINGS]
Adorable Child: Teacher says, every time a bell reeengs, an angel gets his weeengs.*
[everyone is HAPPY and CHRISTMASY]

6 comments:

Girl Genius said...

One of my favourite movies .. and you did it justice. Well done!

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

I have never seen this movie! I've tried to many a time, but have always been thwarted.

John A said...

I think the key to this movie is not watching it 85,000,000,000 times growing up. I didn't see it until I was in my 20s, and I too weep like a baby every time.

And you're right, darkest holiday film ever. Unless there's a director's cut of Miracle on 34th St I'm not aware of where Natalie Wood goes psycho and kills Santa. Which I'd rent in a heartbeat.

Movie Maven said...

MO34S II: THE ELVENING

Laura said...

I love this movie. I seriously never get tired of it. My favorite part is when George Bailey realizes he doens't have Zuzu's petals or whatever, and there is that CRAZY closeup of his CRAZY eyes. Christmas cheer indeed!

'Goer said...

Great movie.
But why is this movie considered a "Christmas Movie"? Although Christmas plays a small part near the end of the film, it's hardly a dominant theme. It's a great November movie - get's you THINKING about the Christmas spirit. But January is a good month to watch it too! Now, Miracle on 34th Street is, without doubt, a Christmas Movie.