The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

[it is BALTIMORE, though not, like John Waters Baltimore, or The Wire Baltimore...SUBURBAN BALTIMORE]
Ugly Betty: I have three best friends, and what you need to know is: the Greek one is a prude, the blonde one's mom just committed suicide, and the one with blue streaks in her hair is a rebel. Obviously. Oh, and I'm a writer.
[they find some PANTS that fit ALL of them]
Ugly Betty: How is this possible? This makes no sense, you guys.
Serena Van der Woodsen: Just accept it! It's magic! Let's share the pants, since we're going to be apart all summer!
Rory Gilmore: I'll take them first, since I'm going to Greece, and that's really far.
[she JUMPS in the ocean and SNAGS the pants on a SHARP THING so that a HOT GREEK has to rescue her]
Hot Greek: I want to hang out with you.
Rory Gilmore: I'm scared of emotions!!!!
[she RUNS away]
Serena Van der Woodsen: God, all-girl soccer camp is SO LAME...whaaa? A hot coach? Who goes to Columbia? HE WILL BE MINE.
[she wears the PANTS to a BAR and tries to DANCE ALL UP ON the coach, but he is a GENTLEMAN]
Ugly Betty: Dad! I'm so excited to see you! And...your girlfriend...and...her two kids? WTF?Josh Lyman: Hi, sweetheart! Aren't you excited! I replaced you and your mom with a white family!
[she wears the PANTS to a DRESS FITTING, where she is TOO PUERTO RICAN to fit in the DRESS]
Joan of Arcadia: God. Why do I have to stay here in Baltimore while my friends go gallivanting? This SUCKS.
Annoying Blonde Child: I brought you this package with pants in it. Now I will hang out with you all the time.
Joan of Arcadia: God! Go away! I'm too rebellious for you!
Some neighbor: Well, that child has cancer.
Joan of Arcadia: Fuck. Now I'm going to end up learning about life via a cancer-stricken child.
Ugly Betty: Hi, I'm back. I ran away from my dad's house, because I hate him.
[meanwhile, on the IDYLLIC GRECIAN ISLE]
Rory Gilmore: Perhaps I do love you, Hot Greek. But our families are feuding.
Papou: [says something SUPPORTIVE in Greek]
Rory Gilmore: Hooray!
[she MAKES out with the GREEK near a FERRY]
Serena Van der Woodsen: So, hot coach, are we going to have sex on the beach or what? I just need to work through my psychological issues through promiscuous behavior.
[they BONE]
Joan of Arcadia: Now we have to go to your dad's wedding!
[they FORCE her to go while WEARING the PANTS and her dad is NICE again]
All Four: Ha ha! We are a sisterhood!


Mark said...

there's one phrase that never gets old. [they bone].
best. phrase. ever.

Steph said...

you missed the part where Joan of Arcadia starts dating Tobias Funke.

Movie Maven said...

I was trying to prevent my readers from vomiting on their computers.