7.23.2008

Wall-E


[it is FUTURE EARTH]

Wall-E: [rocks out to HELLO DOLLY while picking up INTERESTING JUNK in an ADORABLE MANNER]

Fred Willard: Hi! I’m some convenient exposition! The earth is majorly fucked up! We’re getting out of here while the robots clean it up, but only for five years!

Huge Spaceship: FOOOOOOOMMM!! I AM LANDING!!!

Eve: [zooms around looking for PLANTS and BLOWING SHIT UP]

Wall-E: [GAZES at her LOVINGLY, though he is a ROBOT]

Eve: [sees Wall-E and is CONCERNED, then TRUSTS him]

Wall-E: [gives Eve a PLANT and shows her some HELLO DOLLY]

Eve: [SHUTS DOWN because she has met her DIRECTIVE]

Wall-E: [gets SCARED that Eve is DEAD or DEACTIVATED or whatever ROBOTS get]

Huge Spaceship: FOOOOOOOOMMMM!! I AM BACK TO GET EVE!!!

Wall-E: [STOWS AWAY on the SPACESHIP, cutely]

[meanwhile, on the EVEN HUGER SPACESHIP]

Every Human: I am fat and ride around on a floating thing all day. Look how fat we are. Fat, fat, fat.

Wall-E: [follows Eve to the CAPTAIN’S DECK, adorably]

Jeff Garlin: Hey! You have a plant! Sweet! We can go home if we put the plant in the holodeck!

Autopilot: There is no plant. This unit is defective.

[Wall-E and Eve go to the ROBOT HOSPITAL with all the DEFECTIVE robots and SHENANIGANS ensue]

Alert Screen: CAUTION! ROGUE ROBOTS!!!

[Wall-E and Eve get shot out of the SPACESHIP and fly around for like 10 MINUTES and then go BACK IN]

Pixar Animators: We. Are. The. Fucking. Shit.

Jeff Garlin: The autopilot is trying to sabotage us!

[he WALKS and everyone is like DAMN because they have like NO BONES]

Wall-E: [sacrifices HIMSELF for the good of ALL]

Eve: WALL-EEEEEEEEEEE!

[they go to EARTH in like 1 second]

Eve: [finds the PARTS to FIX Wall-E because she LOVES him, though, again, they are ROBOTS]

Wall-E: [does not REMEMBER anything at first because he has a new MOTHERBOARD but then he DOES and it is CUTE]

4 comments:

Russell said...

Seriously, why in the name of Asimov does Eve have a pulse cannon and an itchy trigger protocol? She seems much more likely to blow up life than to find it.

Nat said...

I wanted to see this and now with all your remarks to Wall-E being so cute I want to see it even more. :)

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

This was what happened when I watched this movie at the drive-in:

"Awww, so ador- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
Credits.
"What just happened?"

So thanks for the recap.

Movie Maven said...

@Russell: for real, right?!? She blows up like AN ENTIRE HARBOR. What if there was some seaweed in there??

@nat: you totally should! It's wonderful!

@overcoat: you nerd!! Wait, I totally did that at a drive-in movie theater during "Face/Off."