4.14.2008

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner


[it is SAN FRANCISCO in the 1960s]
Sidney Poitier: Are you suuuuuuuuuure your parents are going to be okay with our marriage? I mean…I’m black. And you're white. Also, and this is never really addressed, but I'm 37 years old, which is, like, way older than you.
White Girl Who Looks Weirdly Like Lindsay Lohan: Of course! They raised me to love all people, no matter their color!
Katharine Hepburn: Whaaaaaaaaa?
White Girl: He thinks you’re going to faint because he’s a Negro.*
Spencer Tracy: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?
Sidney Poitier: I won’t marry your daughter unless you approve. And you have ONE DAY to do it.
Sassy Black Maid: All hell done broke loose.*
[a DELIVERY HEPCAT drops off some STEAKS and he and the other maid DANCE back to his VAN to a FUNKY GROOVE]
Priest: I think it’s great these two kids are getting married!
Spencer Tracy: I have concerns. And I'm supposed to be a liberal! I'm so confused right now!
[everyone FREAKS OUT for a while]
White Girl: Invite YOUR parents to dinner! White people and black people CAN get along!
Sidney Poitier: Uh…well…they think you’re black, too.
White Girl: Whatevs!
[she INVITES them ANYWAY, because she apparently thinks that everyone is LITERALLY COLOR-BLIND, which would be NICE, but is FALSE]
Spencer Tracy: Let’s get some ice cream at the drive-in for no reason!
[he CRASHES into a BLACK DUDE’S car]
Spencer Tracy: Less than 12% of this city is black, and I run into two of them in one day!*
[Sidney Poitier’s PARENTS arrive and are SHOCKED but POLITE]
Both Moms: We’re just happy for them!
Both Dads: We’re against it.
[everyone TALKS to everyone for like EVER]
Spencer Tracy: Okay, I changed my mind. Here is an inspiring speech about race relations.
[they have DINNER, finally]

7 comments:

Bob said...

Shouldn't "Whatevs!" have an asterisk? I'm almost positive that was in the movie.

Movie Maven said...

Ooh, I think you're right...she said it right after Katharine Hepburn said, "OMG WTF?"

Kate said...

I bet that other "Katharine" only spelled her name like that because Katharine Hepburn did.

Movie Maven said...

I actually had that same thought, so I looked on imdb to see when that other Katharine was born...turns out she's Hepburn's niece! Literal nepotism!

Miss T said...

Whoa, I didn't know that! You should do a comparison/contrast with the Bernie Mac/Ashton Kutcher version. I've yet to see it...

hot-ham-water said...

me name's kathArine!

ok that's all i got.

oh and "all hell done broke loose" is going to be my new mantra during zany moments.

BAP said...

Whoa dude. You have a crazy awesome shit blog here! I wish I thought of the ultra-condensed movie reviews first..but then. I ain't funny enough.
Also you plainly agree that Jake Gyllenhaal is crazy shit hot (or was that somebody else?) therefore you are my friend because nobody I know agrees with me on the crazy shit hotness of the Gyllenhaal. Except my mom.