3.19.2008

Meet Me in St. Louis

Maybe after all the murder and mayhem of the past couple of posts, you would like to snack on some WWII escapism? Yes? I have seen this movie approximately one hundred million times because my little sister is kind of obsessed with it/Judy Garland/old movies in general. Note: if you are not in my family, do not attempt to play Scene It* with my family. We will fight you, and we will win.
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[it is ST LOUIS in 1903]
Judy Garland: La, la, la, how lovely it is to live in the best city EVER, the city where the World's Fair will be held next spring! What's for dinner? Ketchup? AWESOME. Also, we need to move dinner, because my sister is getting a phone call from her boyfriend.
Cook: Phone? Wha? This new-fangled technology! I wouldn't marry a man who proposed to me over an INVENTION.*
Judy Garland: Well, figure it out. I'm going to go swoon over the literal boy next door now.
[she DOES, in SONG, whilst GAZING at him LONGINGLY, because they have NEVER MET]
Tootie: My doll is dying. I'm such a macabre child.
The Dad: Dinner early?!? NO! And stop singing that infernal song about that infernal fair!!
[the PHONE rings and he HANGS UP, which is basically like KILLING his oldest daughter]
Rose: Nooooooooooo!!!
[the PHONE rings AGAIN and she talks to her BOYFRIEND, who does NOT propose]
Judy Garland: No biggie. I mean, you got a PHONE CALL. Long distance, even! You're basically the coolest person ever. Let's get ready for the party tonight. I'm inviting the boy next door. I'm going to let him kiss me, which in 1903 is like saying I'm going to have sex with him in our parents' bed. While they're in the room.
[she FINALLY meets him and he is STILL DREAMY, and there is a HUGE dance to "Skip to My Lou"]
Tootie: I want to sing! It's a song about being drunk. I'm dark and sort of weird.
Judy Garland: Ohhhhhkay, let's sing a different song.
[they sing a SONG about the JUNGLE that is POSSIBLY RACIST]
Judy Garland: Everyone out! I need to help the boy next door...uh...find his hat! (That I hid earlier so he wouldn't leave.) And he needs to help me turn out the lights.
[she basically THROWS HERSELF at him but he SHAKES her HAND]
Boy Next Door: You've got a mighty strong grip for a girl!*
Judy Garland: GAAAH!!
[the next MORNING, she SINGS on the TROLLEY about her HEARTSTRINGS and the BELL and ZINGING]
Boy Next Door: I'm here! And I still haven't kissed you. But I am dapper.
[it is HALLOWEEN TIME]
Neighborhood Kids: Someone's gotta go throw flour at the mean old man!
Tootie: I'll do it! He poisons cats!
[she DOES and is COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT]
Kid Dressed as a Woman: Tootie, what happened?
Tootie: [in the most CREEPY VOICE a child can HAVE] I KILLED HIM.*
Neighborhood Kids: Tootie's the most horrible!!!*
[meanwhile, at the HOUSE]
Rose: I know I've got a boyfriend at Yale, but why don't you come have some ice cream? As you know, ice is hard to come by in 1903, and we are rich.
[Tootie SCREAMS and claims that the BOY NEXT DOOR tried to KILL her, but it turns out that she tried to DERAIL a TROLLEY with a FAKE DEAD BODY, which is actually really AWFUL]
Judy Garland: You jerk!
Boy Next Door: But...I didn't do anything.
Judy Garland: Oh. Sorry.
Boy Next Door: But feel free to beat me up anytime.
[he KISSES her and it is SORT OF HOT]
The Dad: Okay, we have to move to New York.
The Family: Nooooooooooooo!!!
The Dad: But we need to symbolize how America moved away from the idyllic past and into a scary future. What better way to do it?
[it is CHRISTMASTIME]
Rose: Let's lace up our corsets so tight we can't breathe! And let's dance with all the men at this dance to thwart another girl's plans. Women are such catty, competitive bitches sometimes.
Judy Garland: But I love the boy next door!
Boy Next Door: I can't go to the dance...my tuxedo's still at the cleaners.
Judy Garland: THIS IS THE WORST TRAGEDY I HAVE EVER KNOWN!!
Grandpa: I'll be your date.
[they GO and it is FINE but not that FUN until the boy next door SHOWS UP in his TUX]
Boy Next Door: Marry me! Don't move to New York!
Judy Garland: Having known you for approximately three months, I say yes.
[she goes HOME and finds Tootie all SAD because of NEW YORK and SINGS to her and it is HEARTWARMING]
Tootie: If I can't bring my snow people, I'd rather kill them!!
[she DOES and it is VIOLENT]
The Dad: Mayyyybe we shouldn't move to New York.
Everyone: Yay!
Rose's Boyfriend: I'm proposing to you now!
Rose: Yay!
[it is SPRING]
Judy Garland: St. Louis is the BEST! We're so happy! The World's Fair is amazing! Too bad this will all be ruined in World War I and the Depression. But don't worry - the prosperous 1950s are on their way, also! Chin up, movie audiences!

*Also applies to Scrabble and possibly Taboo.

1 comment:

Miss T said...

Man, I forgot how creepy that Tootie was! Relocating a kid with major emotional problems to New York probably WASN'T the best idea...