4.05.2007

One Fine Day


[it is NEW YORK]
Michelle Pfeiffer: I am a successful single mom! I am all business! I get shit DONE!
George Clooney: Wait...I have a kid? Okay, I'll hang out with her.
[the KIDS both miss the CLASS TRIP, which is on a BOAT]
Michelle Pfeiffer: Nooooooo!! I have the most important meeting ever and I don't want to have some sort of existential crisis in which I am forced to choose between work and family, as so many modern women are forced to do.
George Clooney: I can take care of your kid.
Michelle Pfeiffer: Whaaaaaaaaaat? You are an unfit parent, though charming! No way!
George Clooney: Come on...you need help keeping all those balls in the air.
Michelle Pfeiffer: Fine. We'll trade off. But remember this: I hate you I hate you I hate you and I will never like you, never never never. Though you are very handsome.
[her MODEL of some BUILDING gets BROKEN and she SPILLS juice on her shirt and has to wear one with a DINOSAUR on it]
Michelle Pfeiffer's Mom: You know that columnist? He's totally cute.
Michelle Pfeiffer: Shut up, Mom!!!! I am very busy and important!! I have no time for romance!!!
[George Clooney goes to a PRESS CONFERENCE and gets some sort of SCOOP]
Michelle Pfeiffer's Kid: I got something up my nose.
George Clooney: Awesome!!
Michelle Pfeiffer: Whaaaaaaaat? That's the worst thing ever! I am taking these kids to the drop-in center.
[they go to the DROP-IN CENTER, where she CONCOCTS some SUPERHERO costumes from RANDOM SHIT in her huge Mom purse]
Michelle Pfeiffer's Kid: Mom, what's crack?
Michelle Pfeiffer: You are NOT staying here.
George Clooney's Kid: My daddy likes you.
Michelle Pfeiffer: Really? [looks at her WATCH] OH NO!!! My huge, enormous work meeting is right now!!!!
Michelle Pfeiffer's Kid: But MOOOOMMMMM!!! My soccer game!!!
Michelle Pfeiffer: Noooooooo!! Why must I be forced to choose!?!??!
[she chooses her CHILD, obviously, and they go to the BIG GAME]
Michelle Pfeiffer's Babydaddy: Hey, girl.
Michelle Pfeiffer: You are lame! I have a new man!
[they go back to Michelle Pfeiffer's CUTE-ASS APARTMENT, where she takes a RIDICULOUSLY LONG TIME to get ready to CASUALLY HANG OUT with George Clooney]
George Clooney: Damn, you took a long time, but whatevs. You're so hot.
Michelle Pfeiffer: I CAN have it all!! [wink]

1 comment:

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

"thus proving that WOMEN do, IN FACT, need MEN"

I saw this movie in the movie theatre back in the day and I remember it being inoffensively cute. I also remember that she did, in fact, have a "cute-ass" apartment.