4.09.2007

The Miracle of Morgan's Creek


After re-reading this condensation, this movie sounds really kind of weird. It is, but it's also kind of hilarious, partially in that, "Oh, people of 1944, your quaint traditions amuse me" way, and partially in that, "Hey, this is actually great comedy" way. That Betty Hutton is a delight.
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[it is WWII]
Gertrude Kockenlocker: Da-aaaaad! I want to go to the dance with the soldiers!
Mr. Kockenlocker: No way! I'm grumpy because I have a daughters instead of sons!
Little Sister: [sassy teenage wisecrack]
Mr. Kockenlocker: Grrrrr!
Gertrude Kockenlocker: I know! I'll say I'm going out with Norval, since my dad likes him, but REALLY I'll go to the soldier dance! No one has EVER used that plan before!!
Norval: Well, okay, since I love you and you don't love me back.
[he DROPS HER OFF at the dance and goes to the MOVIES. ALONE.]
Gertrude Kockenlocker: Wooooooooo!!!
[she PARTIES]
Norval: Gertrude, where have you been? It's 8am.
Gertrude Kockenlocker: I had a good time!
[she falls down DRUNKENLY]
Mr. Kockenlocker: What the...? Norval, I trust you no longer.
Gertrude Kockenlocker: Oh no! I don't remember what happened last night and I think maybe I got married! But I don't know to whom!!!!
Little Sister: [helpful wisecrack]
[she INSINUATES that she's PREGNANT, and therefore must also be MARRIED]
Norval: I'm so in love with you that I'll marry you and raise this baby.
Gertrude Kockenlocker: But I'm already married!!
Norval: Okay, well, where's the certificate?
Gertrude Kockenlocker: I don't know!!! But I need one so I won't be considered a whore!!
[they devise an ELABORATE PLAN that involves Norval POSING AS the husband she can't REMEMBER, who they call "Ratzkywatzky," but Norval ends up getting ARRESTED by the POLICE, the SHERIFF, and EVERY BRANCH of the MILITARY]
Gertrude Kockenlocker: Oh no!! Dad, I need help.
Mr. Kockenlocker: I guess we'll just skip town.
Little Sister: [regretful wisecrack]
[they BOUNCE and Norval goes to JAIL]
Gertrude Kockenlocker: I feel bad. I'm going to confess what I did.
[she TRIES to, but GOES INTO LABOR and births SEXTUPLETS]
Hitler*: Nein! Wir brauchen nicht mehr amerikanische Babys!
Norval: I'm a dad?
Little Sister: [baby-related wisecrack]
Gertrude Kockenlocker: I love you, Norval, though I treat you like ass!
Title Card: Norval was fine with the six babies. Here's a Shakespeare quote for some reason.

*I'm not even joking, Hitler shows up briefly in a sextuplet-related montage.

2 comments:

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

This definitely sounds like the weirdest movie that ever existed. I don't know it-- is it old or new?

Also, I like how when you write I can totally imagine you saying it out loud in your voice. Por ejemplo, when I read "Oh, people of 1944, your quaint traditions amuse me" your face actually appeared in a thought bubble next to my head! That was cool!

Russell said...

when I read "Oh, people of 1944, your quaint traditions amuse me" your face actually appeared in a thought bubble next to my head! That was cool!

Same with me! Anna has magically transported her face thru the Internet tubes using nothing but ordinary useless words!

Also, Hitler in baby montage?!?! Crazy times!