Sight Unseen Guest Post: Ghost Rider

A lot of people saw this movie. Laura McClain wasn't one of them. That won't stop her from writing a synopsis, though.

[it is the PAST]
Young Nicolas Cage: Life is good. I'm a daring biker, and my name is literally Johnny Blaze. And my dad is awesome and totally my hero. Things could not get any sweeter!
Supportive Father: Yeah, thing are gre-

[he gets CANCER and is GOING to DIE]

Young Nicolas Cage: NOOOO! I'll do anything to save my father's life!

Peter Fonda: ANYTHING????

Young Nicolas Cage: Where did you come from? And why are you on fire?

Peter Fonda: We'll worry about that later. I can totally save your dad for a simple trade.

Young Nicolas Cage: Yeah, okay, whatever you say. Save him!

[Peter Fonda DOES and then laughs MANICALLY]

Peter Fonda: Sucker! I own your soul now. Here's a sweet motorcycle and a burning chain. Your skull will spontaneously combust and shoot flames whenever a demon is near. Kill them all.

[he DISAPPEARS, presumably to the BOWELS of HELL. Many years PASS]

Nicolas Cage: Man, things are terrible. After all that work to sell my soul to the devil, my dad died anyway in a mysteriously firey motorcycle accident. Being the devil's minion really sucks.

[he LISTENS to The Carpenters, SHOWING that he is really SENSITIVE and TOTALLY not INTO this whole FIREY-SKULL thing, and THEN has to KILL some DEMONS]

Eva Mendes: Is something burning?

[Nicolas Cage looks WRYLY at the CAMERA, then SAVES Eva Mendes from SOME sort of DEMON]

Evan Mendes: Thanks a lot, freak. Hey, wouldn't it be great to have your soul back? Luckily, I'm a brilliant big-city reporter.

Nicolas Cage: You're also…hot.

[he looks WRYLY at the CAMERA]

Eva Mendes: I found out that all you have to do is kill the devil's son, and you'll have your soul back. Plus, it turns out that the devil killed your dad in that freak motorcycle accident.

Nicolas Cage: So much information! My skull feels like it's…on fire.


The Devil's Son: You think you can take me? BRING IT!

[they have an AWESOME showdown in SLOW-MOTION, with a CHORUS of DEMONIC singers in the BACKGROUND]

The Devil's Son: I'll drag your lady friend back to hell with me!

[he DOES. Nicolas Cage FOLLOWS him, making fire-related WISECRACKS all the way]

Peter Fonda: What the...hell...is going on here?

[they all look WRYLY at the CAMERA]

Nicolas Cage: This fire's gonna be put out!

[he STABS the devil's son in an IRONIC tribute to his own SLAIN father]

Peter Fonda: NOOOOOOO!


Nicolas Cage: What a crazy adventure. Let's go home, Eva Mendes.

Eva Mendes: That's...hot.

[they LAUGH and RIDE his MOTORCYCLE into a FIREY sunset, as "Close to You" PLAYS in the BACKGROUND]

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