The Day After Tomorrow

I have, shamefully, seen this one. But it was on the ULTRA SCREEN, which is huge. And we were sitting in the front row, which made the girl next to us get dizzy, so that was amazing. Also, I believe some pamphlets were handed out post-viewing regarding emergency procedures about stuff like. And yes, the poster's in German.

[it is a day UNCOMFORTABLY LIKE today]
Scientists in a Remote Lab: What’s that weather occurrence happening over there? Maybe we need some help with the exposition.
[in a HUGE room of some sort of WORLD METEOROLOGY COUNCIL]
Dennis Quaid: The earth’s climate is determined in part by the jet stream and a lot of other complicated factors that don’t really need to be discussed here.
[he EXPOSITS some more for the benefit of ACTION MOVIE audiences]
Other Scientists: We know how the climate works!! We’re METEOROLOGISTS!!
Jake Gyllenhaal: Hey, you’re totally cute. I hope something really intense happens on our choir/math/band/other dorky activity trip to bring us together. Because even though we are both ostensibly “nerds,” we’re also both smokin’ hot.
Emmy Rossum: Yeah we are!
[the SEA LEVELS begin to rise and he SAVES her from a FLASH FLOOD]
Jake Gyllenhaal: Uh…I was really thinking more along the lines of, like, an incredibly startling bird, or maybe an innocuous but creepy hobo interaction. But yeah, I’ll take a flash flood.
[she CUTS her LEG and you just KNOW that’s going to be BAD later]
Jake Gyllenhaal: [on PHONE as the WATERS rise] Dad! I met a girl! Oh yeah, and the world is ending. It’s so cold!!
Dennis Quaid: I know, son...I’m a scientist. Although there’s really nothing I can do to help you at this point, and it will put my men and me in grave danger, I’m coming to get you, even if it is totally cold.
[he TRAVERSES many miles over TUNDRA with some OTHER DUDES who end up DYING in various horrible ways, such as:]
One of the Dudes: [FALLING through a skylight] OMG! I can’t climb up my rope! It’s too difficult! And too cold!
The Other Dude: I can’t pull you up! I’m not strong enough, and it’s so cold!
That First Dude: Acts of sacrifice are always heroic, right? Then call me a fuckin’ hero. [CUTS his OWN rope so that the others might LIVE]
Dennis Quaid: Nooooooooooo! Soooooooooo coooooooold!
[back in the LIBRARY]
Jake Gyllenhaal: It’s really cold. Maybe we should make a fire.
Some Other Kid: Here’s the Gutenberg Bible, why don’t we use that?
Jake Gyllenhaal: No – as the most attractive person here, I am your leader. And as your leader, I must remind you that although we might die, our culture and history could live on in –
Someone else: Please stop soliloquizing. Also, aren’t we surrounded by wooden furniture? Maybe we should burn that.
Emmy Rossum: Remember that cut I got before? It’s time for it to resurface and be totally gross.
[Jake Gyllenhaal and his FRIEND go to get MEDICINE from a TANKER that’s outside, but are CHASED by WOLVES]
Jake Gyllenhaal: Oh man, was it ever cold out there, but we got the medicine! Wait, were those…were those wolves? What the hell?
[it gets REALLY, REALLY COLD all of a sudden, so they BURN some BOOKS instead of the FURNITURE because they are apparently IDIOTS]
Dennis Quaid: I’m here! I made it! Now we can…uh…well…? I’m not entirely sure why I thought I needed to come here, because, uh…so! Is this your girlfriend?
Jake Gyllenhaal: Well, I saved her from gangrene, so I guess that means she is.
[they live HAPPILY, though in an ICE AGE, ever after]


Jackie said...

Emmy Rossum is my every where person. she lives in my hood.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

wait, they don't die at the end? they just live in the library with wolves outside? i feel like this movie would be like titanic for me in that i would spend the entire movie complaining about how bad it is while simultaneously bawling my eyes out.

also, "an incredibly startling bird" made me laugh out loud.

Nicole said...

My favorite part of the movie (which I saw after caving in to pressure from my horrible-movie-enjoying boyfriend) is when Dennis Quaid gives his speech about how the weather will change horribly "some day in the future," and it apparently happens later that night.